Oh, de Toilet!

Cimarron

My wife and I recently learned a few things while installing a couple of toilets ourselves. For instance, the names of the models are very creative. Want to play a round of Toilet or Automobile?

Cimarron. Both car and crapper, as it turns out. Cadillac cranked out about 133,000 Cimarron sedans in the mid-1980s. But a little research shows it’s also a novel, a movie, and a firearms company.  Plus, an herbicide, a mortgage firm, a golf resort, and a village in New Mexico. And that’s just from the first two pages of a Google search.

Prelude. I don’t know about you, but while I’m doing MY business, I don’t want the Prelude, I want the Finale.

Santa Rosa. I’m sure the folks in the charming town in the heart of Sonoma wine country in California are so proud to have a commode named in their honor. May we suggest an earthy Merlot with that?

Renaissance. Huh? As if you’re creating a work of art?

VorMax. Sounds more like a character in a Harry Potter book.

We went with the Cimarron (pictured above), but mostly because it fit the small space we were working with. I’d actually like to see some better names for facilities. How about the following ideas, complete with built-in celebrity spokespeople.

The John. Why not make the longstanding nickname official? It’s about time to formally honor John Harrington, the inventor of England’s first flush toilet. John Goodman is the obvious choice to plug this one.

The Lucy Loo. Come on! This is a natural! She hasn’t been real busy since Charlie’s Angels. She could probably use the income.

The Jenner. Unisex?

The Rock. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?

The Schwarzenegger. All you’d really need is one of his most famous lines tied to the flush mechanism: Hasta la vista, baby!

The Trump. Who wouldn’t enjoy unloading on the Donald?

The Levine. The lead singer of Maroon 5 is everywhere else these days. Why not in the bathroom?

If you have any other brilliant ideas for toilet model names, please pass ’em along.

Dave Coombs is a longtime morning radio host and toilet connoisseur.

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