New York Prison Escape: the Movie?!?


Central casting is calling all lookalikes for the people pictured above!

Writers of the hit Netflix show Orange Is the New Black or TV executives seeking the next big reality hit need look no further for ideas than the recent correctional drama in Northern New York.

The saga of escapees Richard Matt and David Sweat, and Joyce Mitchell, the woman who helped them, along with prison guard Gene Palmer, who may also have played a role, has it all. Love triangles, sex, lies, escape, death, betrayal.

Plus, the upcoming court case promises to be highly entertaining.

Sweat is alive, in captivity again, and already spewing details about Mitchell, the prison tailor who fell in love with one or both of the jailbirds, provided them with tools to break out, and promised (then reneged) to drive them to Mexico, where they’d all live happily ever after.

That part of the story prompted the line of the year from New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, who said that “wasn’t a fairy tale I was read as a child.”

We can’t wait for the movie. And all this unfolding in advance of the trial of Mitchell, which is shaping up to be a doozy.

Try to picture Sweat, the con, all gussied up and testifying for the prosecution against Mitchell, the woman he was going to blissfully spend the rest of his life with, south of the border, wearing sombreros and sipping native tequila.

How quickly the tide turns!

Then imagine the Defendant. Joyce Mitchell will be dressed in some chaste petticoat, with pearls around her neck. She’ll be coached to sweetly bat her eyelashes as she proclaims her innocence. And her team of lawyers will dismiss Matt’s testimony as the insane ravings of a lunatic felon.

We’re rooting for a conviction against Mitchell. Then, sentencing and incarceration at Clinton Correctional, so she and Matt can resume their relationship at the same facility where it all began.

Now that’s a fairy tale! For morning radio hosts like me and prison drama fans everywhere.

If Governor Cuomo were smart, he’d use this tale to boost the flagging economic fortunes of his state. Field bids from production companies to turn Mitchell’s prison tailor opening into the basis for a reality TV show.

Who says there’s a job crisis in New York? Get your résumé to the Clinton Correctional Facility in Malone, New York ASAP!

You probably don’t even need to display any creativity in your tailoring work; just prove you won’t fall in love with any inmates.

Dave Coombs is a longtime morning radio host who hasn’t been to jail. Yet.

2 Responses to New York Prison Escape: the Movie?!?
  1. Matt Hutmaker Reply

    Great Idea. Make Joyce Mitchell an accountant instead of a taylor and call it Shawshank Redemption II . You’ll have a sure hit on your hands, Dave.

    • Dave Coombs Reply

      But Joyce Mitchell is guilty, whereas Andy Dufresne was innocent in Shawshank.

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