In Search of Bill Belichick’s Personality

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(Credit: midwestsportsfans.com)

Today must be a really tough day for Bill Belichick. Not because one of his former players is going to jail for life. Today is tough for Belichick, because it’s his birthday.

The grumpy New England Patriots’ football coach turns 68 today. Imagine his horror. Enduring all the birthday wishes. Trying to squeeze a smile out of his lifeless face. People shaking his hand, for crying out loud!

The whole Aaron Hernandez story must be heart-wrenching for Belichick on some level. A player he drafted, coached and cultivated–guilty of murder. Going to prison for life, without a chance for parole.

Unable to obtain an interview, I had to imagine asking Belichick for his reaction. This is about how it would go:


This is not that much of a stretch. His behavior at these press conferences is bordering on Rain Man-esque.


Supposedly he has attended concerts of Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi, with whom he is friendly. Can anyone confirm this? Did he wear a hoodie? Did he actually MOVE, other than attempting to rhythmically clap his hands to the music?

I’d like to imagine Belichick cutting loose. And there is some hypothetical evidence, but it’s still just rumored. So, it’s kind of like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot. We’d like to believe, but we need some photographic proof or eyewitness accounts.

Bottom line: Mr. Bill needs to get out in public, outside of his natural environment of football. Here are a few suggestions to lighten up his image as he approaches 70:

A heart-to-heart, tell-all interview with Diane Sawyer or Oprah. Or, if that’s too risky, at least with Chris Berman.

He could do a ground-breaking turn on Dancing with the Stars. Yes, of course it would be a disaster. But, what a chance for comic relief at his own expense. As a surprising twist, give the coach a MALE dance partner for the show. Maybe even Tom Brady! Go big or go home.

How about an appearance on Jeopardy. Belichick matching wits with Alex Trebek would be fascinating:


Of course there is ZERO chance Belichick would SUCCEED at lightening his image, unless he changes his behavior. Following the recent Super Bowl win over Seattle, he did appear on David Letterman’s show, but his personality was as deflated as the footballs his team allegedly doctored.

It’s probably asking too much for someone to snap a picture today of Belichick receiving a playful birthday spanking from Gronk, or joyfully blowing out the candles on his birthday cake, or even smiling or chuckling. But a guy can dream. Happy birthday, Bill.

Dave Coombs is a longtime morning radio host, he attended the same college as Bill Belichick, and he loves Rain Man.

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