Help Plan Our Wedding. Please!

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We’re getting frazzled. It’s crunch time. Now well into the backstretch of our wedding plans, and there are so many details yet to be finalized before Saturday’s big event. For instance: how to come across as nonchalant while dancing with Beth when I glance past her gorgeous, curly locks for an update on Syracuse-Duke basketball.

There IS going to be a big screen TV at the reception, right? After all, the wedding begins at 6:00 and the game is set for 7:00.

And, what if the ceremony runs late and infringes on the start of the game? Is there any latitude in the marriage vows, so we can receive updates while still gazing longingly into each other’s eyes?

OFFICIANT: Do you, Dave, stand by Beth’s side, and love her and comfort her, in good times and bad, even though Jim Boeheim just got a technical foul and Duke already has a double-digit lead with only five minutes gone in the first half?

Dammit! I mean, I do.

Apparel is a big deal. My son Dash may or may not wear a jacket on Saturday. The one he was planning to wear may or may not have gotten dirty, wrinkled or misplaced at some point between his last two gigs as the lead guitarist for his “Sweat Rock” band called Party Cops, whose first CD is available now online.

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A single from that release, Fort Teen, can be sampled here. The song will not be featured on the playlist at our wedding, but we recommend it highly to those of you planning any “Sweat Rock” nuptials later this year. In fact, I’d be willing to help you book Party Cops to play live at your wedding. But act now. Their calendar is filling up quickly. (No joke.)

In other apparel news, Beth’s 10-year-old son Jackson was fitted last night for the white tux he requested for the ceremony. He and I have a bet to see which one of us will accumulate more food stains on his clothing during the reception. I’m the overwhelming favorite in the early Vegas line.

In the footwear department, I still need to pick a pair of shoes to wear with my blue suit. To help me decide, please vote on these three options from my closet:

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Or, feel free to cast a write-in suggestion via the comment box. One lucky winner drawn at random from among all commenters will receive a signed copy of the photo below of Brian Williams and me. (No lie.)

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That brings us to the potential for snow on February 28th. Early forecasts call for a mix of sun and clouds, with a high of about 22 degrees and a low of -4. But the way we’ve been getting hammered this year, who knows? We’re bringing shovels just in case. Thanks to our friend Charlie, we already have one he gave us a couple of years ago.

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Charlie has a heart of gold. And he’s as bad at spelling as I am at remembering to put the toilet seat back down. If it doesn’t snow Saturday, Beth will grab the shovel in lieu of a bouquet and toss it over her shoulder to her bridesmaids! Yes, we have hired a photographer to capture that magic moment.

Dave Coombs has been a morning radio host for over 30 years and a wiseass forever.

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