D.I.Y. Radio

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(Credit: Phillip Martin)

While Beth and I honeymoon this week, I won’t be near a radio or a computer. So, here’s your assignment: play along with the topical games and features I’ve outlined in advance below. Or create some new ones.

There are some good conversation starters for each day of the week. Brainstorm, and, as Beth likes to say, make your own fun. Don’t skip ahead! Play the home version or respond with comments at the bottom of the page.

MONDAY, MARCH 16
Flavor Flav’s 56th birthday. Take a shot at “Flavor Flav True or False.” See if you can separate fact from fiction about the infamous rapper and reality TV star, and make sure there’s an enormous clock around your neck to provide a loud and dramatic countdown. Here are some statements about the Flav:

  1. Plays 15 instruments proficiently
  2. Set a house on fire as a kid while playing with a lighter
  3. Dated supermodel Beverly Johnson
  4. Once earned money as a baseball ticket scalper
  5. Broke both arms in a motorcycle crash
  6. Had a love affair with actress Brigitte Nielsen
  7. Has fathered seven children
  8. Admits to once spending up to $2600 a day on crack cocaine
  9. Was romantically involved with actress Uma Thurman
  10. Was jailed on separate occasions for robbery, assault, and attempted murder
  11. Has owned restaurants in Iowa, Michigan, and Nevada
  12. Released a song called “Pollywanacracka”

So, how’d you do? Believe it or not, each one of these is true. Except for the one about Uma Thurman, although we can’t prove she and the Flav weren’t an item at some point. In any case, feel free to come up with some more false answers on your own. Once partnered with Orville Redenbacher on a special chicken-flavored popcorn? #FlavorFlavTrueOrFalse

TUESDAY, MARCH 17
St. Patrick’s Day! The day everyone drinks to observe the death of St. Patrick on March 17th in the year 461. Imagine what an annual party it would be if we observed his birthday instead. Play a Green Day song. Drink green beer. Debate: Who’s a worse actor, Tom Green or Seth Green? Cue up their finest moments from Austin Powers and Freddy Got Fingered to illustrate. If you’ve had enough green beer, this could actually be funny.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18
Adam Levine turns 36. Challenge some friends to beat you at a game of “Surfing for Levine.” The winner is whoever comes up with a song first on his or her radio, featuring the high-pitched vocals of the ubiquitous Maroon 5 lead singer. Shouldn’t take more than 90 seconds.

THURSDAY, MARCH 19
Bruce Willis is 60 this year. Try a mashup of his funniest lines from Die Hard and Moonlighting. Call it Moon Hard. I can hear the parody commercial in my ear right now. No, wait, check that. It’s just another damn Adam Levine song.

FRIDAY, MARCH 20
The Vernal Equinox is finally here! Spring officially arrives in New York at 6:45 PM. In Great Britain, it occurs at 10:45 PM. In Moscow, at 1:45 AM on Saturday, or whenever Vladimir Putin decides to ride shirtless on a horse again. To celebrate the new season, why not call folks at various points around the globe and have them Spring it Up in their native tongues? Foreign accents always put me in a good mood, especially if they’re coming from someone serving me a cocktail on my honeymoon.

Dave Coombs has hosted morning radio shows for over 30 years, and has never planned this far in advance.

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